An Angel Vs. a Doctor

Remember my paediatrics reflections? Well, this is my post surgery reflection.

I sit here today, as my surgery rotation is almost over and after watching The Victoria's Secret 2011 fashion show, reflecting over my life. What the fuck did I do? I'm cute. I'm hot. Not tall enough to be a model. But I should have picked a career where I can utilize this cuteness. Perhaps an air hostess or my current plan B a yoga instructor. Fuck, I could have married a doctor and been a trophy wife. Why did I have to go and be the doctor myself?

Sadly, what's done is done and it's only a few months and I'll graduate and be a doctor. A doctor whom when she pouts, men turn into a puddle.

Imma get that Incredible cape and be The Incredible Doctor. xD

P.S: this isn't my real surgery reflection. The real one went more like bah bah black sheep have you any wool? I LOVE SURGERY!

P.S.S: no, seriously. I really do.

On Crappy Seniors

July 2012 will be the end of medical school and by August -inshallah- we will be real life doctors! I'm more terrified than excited. Questioning whether or not I'll be good enough to handle human life? This is our last chance as students to attain as much information and skills and be worthy of such responsibility. So it is horrific to see some seniors still not getting it. Thinking it is a game and they can swing it with their la-di-da attitudes.

To cheat is never acceptable. But for obvious reasons, I always thought that it is even worse when a doctor or an architect does it. Still they do and catastrophes happen. I'm sure it all started when they were students. From cheating in exams, fake cases and undeserved signatures on easy tasks on their lame log books to prescribing the wrong/any/every drug to profit the pharmaceutical company which is paying for his/her trip to France next month. Prophet Mohammed PBUH, said: "He who cheats is not of us". Us being Muslims. It does not get any clearer than that.

I personally think students shouldn't be allowed to do procedures on patients. Except maybe if it's a simple procedure, you were supervised by a responsible doctor and you actually KNOW WHAT and WHY you are doing this procedure. If not, then I hope someone someday will do the same to you.

Really people you give medicine a bad name.

A Stupid Kid

I know this is old but I just had the misfortune of watching it. THE MOST ANNOYING STUPIDEST KID EVER!

Now don't get me wrong. I HATE SAUDI! But what I hate more is alflsfah from a Saudi. And so I am here today, putting my OB book aside and proving him stupid.

Luckily, just a couple of days ago I got all nostalgic, played with my dolls and read an old Winnie the Pooh book which I got from guess where? AMERICA TDAH DAH DAH. So let us tackle this stupid kid's arguments and send him to his daddy crying.

1. I'm pretty sure the man's name is Mimon not Lemon. Fucking learn how to read.
2. Really you never read an English book that was "s5eef"? I beg to disagree. How to Catch a Heffalump was the stupidest shit ever. Winnie the Pooh is insanely dumb and the whole time I was rereading the book I was thinking: how the fuck did I loved him when I was little? Child, you just don't read much. In every language there are the lame books and the good ones. You just have to pick the right ones which also must be age appropriate. Maybe the "crazy book" you were referring to was for younger midgets. Like the Winnie the Pooh book. It was definitely not targeted to amuse the 20 something bored girl who would do anything to avoid studying.
3. You judge a book by the number of pages? It's quality not quantity but what can I say you are a Saudi.
4. Stupid dad, heard of Bambi? The mother dies. It's OK. Kids can handle death. You don't want your child exposed to this kind of tragedy, read the fucking book before giving it to him.
5. "How can you actually buy a new mom?...". I bet you this is not a concept created by Arabs. Watch Trading Mom there's a market where you can actually buy a new mom. The horror.
6. "You only have one mom who is dead. So you have to actually just grow up and then just marry something...". A) That's mean. B) That's your solution? To just marry "something"? Like what a sex doll?
7. Wow his favourite dinosaur is the one who looks like an insect. Good choice. NOT!

I blame the dad. His kid is nothing special and just as bad as Rebecca Black.

P.S: I'm not defending Arabic literature. It sucks.

Fetal Medical Unit

The lady who delivered the deformed fetus the night I was on call, came today complaining to Prof. Hassan Nasrat about the abortion laws in Saudi. The poor thing had to deliver two other fetuses with congenital anomalies whom were also incompatible with life. She was crying and showing him pictures of her dead baby. She asked for them to use this gift of science & knowledge to actually do something. The pregnancy should have been terminated & she shouldn't have had to carry those fetuses as long as she did. But of course the doctors didn't abort because our inhumane religious men told her and I quote: "at8y Allah ya o5ty hady nfs bshriah". Really? Well, they didn't look human and they died right after birth.

After she left, the Prof. said the laws are now looser but some doctors still don't feel comfortable using them. I thought our job as doctors was first to inflict no harm? I thought we should weigh the pros and cons and decide on the proper management? And how is it proper to lead a full term pregnancy with all it's known complications to the mother's body & psychological trauma, knowing that the out come is a dead baby?

And that is why I could never be an obstetrician. Too much ethical & so called religious shit.

First On Call

First On Call- The Can't Wait to Get Home & Sob edition. Or First On Call- The Bitter-sweet edition.

I'm sure you gathered that it was my first on call with the OB/GYN department and actually first ever! It was a true roller-coaster. From the genuine smiles to the kill-me-now-I-can't-look-the-patient's-family-in-the-eyes-moments.

The day started extra early -at 8 am. - because I'm lucky like that. Normal day routine till 4 then the shift begins. What happened?

1. An allegedly fully dilated pregnant lady who we wait 6 hours for her to deliver and she doesn't.
2. A lady who suddenly comes to the ER and delivers spontaneously. Her mother's worries during and joyful relief after. The dad's smile when he first knew about his son. All get to you. OB can be a real crowd pleaser.
3. And then it can be the complete opposite. When the woman whom's fetus was mal-positioned and so needed a C-section to then be delivered dead. When the woman's family asks you how it went and you go to find out and decide to disappear till the doctor tells them. When he does and their happy expecting faces turn dull. When you watch them go see the dead fetus. When you go see it yourself, an other wise normal baby but dead. When you fight the urge to sob. When you see the doctors going through every detail, trying to figure out what went wrong. When you see tears and utter pain in the eyes of the doctors. That's when OB totally sucks.
4. And it doesn't end there. Two of my friends who also witnessed the previous tragedy, witnessed another. Another C-section with a fetus incompatible with life. A fetus so deformed, I'm actually glad I didn't see. God be with those mothers and their families. And may they be granted healthy babies in the future who would live long and make them proud.
5. God sent us a reason to smile. This little boy Bander, who we met at the vending machines earlier, decides to break dance for us with his friend. And guess what they are actually good. They got a standing ovation from us.
6. There's a cat which lives in the hospital's cafeteria. Only comes out after hours.

The Miracle of Life?

In movies I have seen actresses giving pretend birth. Screaming their lungs out, squeezing their actor hubbies hands' and delivering pink tiny bundles of new life. And the estrogen pumped lot of you might have found it beautiful & couldn't wait to share with the men they love, their own mini them. But I'm here today to burst that pretty little bubble you hold so dear. Vaginal delivery is disgusting.

A month ago I started my OBGYN rotation and yesterday I finally had the pleasure of witnessing a life being brought to this world. It wasn't this woman's first child or else they would have preformed an episiotomy. Which is basically a horror movie. They cut your VAGINA! If that's not a reason to never wanting to have babies, I don't know what is? Oh yes, the baby's head passing through your vagina after you cut it!

The woman was disoriented, in labour pain, screamed a bit– not horror movie material- and she was in desperate need of human contact. Our lousy hospital's policy bans any member of her family to come into the labour room with her. She begged my friend to hold her hand and she briefly did. My friend's face didn't change while the woman squeezed her hand & I wondered if they were just pretending in movies that women in labour squeeze so hard, it'll break ones hand? Then it was the 2nd stage of labour – the push push stage. I didn't like how the resident yelled at the woman when she screamed. She's in the worst pain ever. Be more fucking gentle with her, well ya? Besides the screaming there were all sorts of discharges and other not very pleasant bodily functions that happened while pushing. I'm sorry but I was disgusted. Blood I don't mind but that... *shudders*.

The baby wasn't in a favourable position and so was hard to deliver they had to basically pull his head with a vacuum-like machine. The baby was delivered blue and was not breathing until they suctioned the fluid out of his airways. Also the poor thing had a hematoma near his eyes for the vacuum's head wasn't positioned properly. And to top it off, a part of the placenta was missing and the doctor couldn't find it. A mid wife jammed her hand inside the woman's uterus searching for it. She screamed a scream far worse than the ones she did while in labour. Amazingly, in the middle of her agony, in her still delirious state she remembered my friend's act of kindness and thanked her for lending her her hands, even though it wasn't throughout the whole thing. Manners and humanity are wonderful wonderful things. I pray she and her newborn are well and happily united.

I don't know if I witnessed a miracle or a messy procedure that stunk? But I will leave you with this: C-sections for the win!

Nostalgic Ramblings

I'm loving this song. It reminds me of good times and people. Times when I was happy and I knew it. When I used to go out from 8 am till late at night every night. When we danced on tables and sang our hearts out no matter where we were. When I was always tanned that I think I have exceeded my sun-exposure-time, if I stepped out in the sun now I'll get a melanoma. Not kidding, I have a new mole on my thumb. I'm scared. When I cried at my best friend's -at the time- graduation cuz it felt like my daughter graduating. When I got accepted into medical school and my mom's friend who hates us going out so much told me to kill the rest of the summer partying cuz I'll have no life once school start. When that summer I got hit by a jet ski in the head, lost consciousness, drowned, saved by a friend and lived to dance the night off. When we stood there for each other through out all the drama and family problems. When my family was a whole. Good times xD

أنا كل ما عمري يعدي و نقابل بعضنا أحس كأن أنا عندي يجي 16 سنة. أفتكر امبارح أدمع. حافظاه و ممكن أسمع. نفسي الأيام بترجع و نتلم كلنا

Reflection Dos: Paediatric and I

To be honest, I wasn't very much looking forward to start this rotation. It's not that I don't like kids. It just breaks my heart that small innocent children with no guilt in the world should suffer such horrible diseases.

The first week was horrible. I had to force myself a couple of times to hold it together and not cry. Everything was overwhelming. Their sick, tired faces, their mothers dead worried looks and then we had to come and inflict more misery to them by bothering them with questions they already answered and consume the last bits of energy the kids have with examining them. And they almost never said no to me. They gave different excuses to why they will gladly be a part of my education. One mother allowed me to examine her infant because she was a psychology student and had to go history hunting from psych patients and she knows how tiring it is to look for a cooperate one. Another dad at the ER gladly let me examine his son who was in respiratory distress, just because his niece was named after me and he wishes that she becomes a doctor like me one day. Things like this touches your heart. Kindness still exist in this cold world.

A turning point in my relationship with paediatrics was when I was examining this four year old girl who has sickle cell anemia. She was so tiny and beautiful. Very cooperative and quite. When I was in the middle of listening to her heart sounds she started playing with my head scarf then grabbed my finger with all of her hand just like a palmer grasp reflex. It was very endearing and sweet knowing that it wasn't a reflex and she did it out of affection. Her mom then told me "she really likes you". And it was mutual. Then my perspective shifted. I shouldn't think of how much a child is unfortunate for being sick. I should only think of how much I can help them to get better. Even at this stage where all I can give is a warm smile and a gentle touch that hopefully will brighten a gray day.

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I don't really like the third reflection. I'm not sure I'll post it.

Anywho, Paediatric is OVER! FOREVER NO MORE PEDS! *DANCING*

End of peds celebratory cake at Chili's by Ghada.

After Ghada's editing

To Always Live in the Shadow

As children we all lived in the shadow of our siblings. My older brother always got first in his class and I always came second. Although I almost always had better marks, girls' schools are more competitive that way, I felt less. And had the need to always prove myself worthy. Being labelled number two was never good.

Looking back at how I felt when I was an 8 year old, I still can't possibly imagine how those two twin girls must feel. One a healthy child who could never dream of the attention her sick sister gets. And the other a diseased child who could never live or accomplish what her normal sister can.

Rahaf is a girl with congenital hydrocephalus and plasminogen deficiency, a rare disease with only few cases documented world wide. At the process of obtaining her medical history, the developmental part at precise, I had to ask the mother to compare between her two daughters. Rahaf fell short, in reaching the developmental mile stones and in her learning abilities. Her face fell too when she heard the comparison and I felt a dagger stab my heart for I have reminded her of her short comings. Then there was the social history and I had to ask how is the disease effecting the other family members? The mother confessed she doesn't pay much attention to the other twin because dealing with keeping this one as healthy as possible is alone a full time job. I couldn't judge or blame the mother but I couldn't help but also feel sorry for the other girl. A child will always starve for her/ his parents' affection, but to be denied of it and to feel guilty for wanting it because your sibling needs it more is probably far worse.

I don't know who has it worse? The ill child with a disease limiting her life, always shadowed by her twin's accomplishments? Or to be deprived of your parents full love and care and to always live in the fear of losing your precious twin? Always coming second doesn't feel that bad at all now.

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We were asked to write our "reflection" on the paediatric rotation. Actually to write three reflections. This is my first one. Feed back is much appreciated.

Paediatric OSCE

Have I told you how much I love OSCEs? No? Well, not so much. But I love how they generate the most hilarious memories ever.

Day Uno: Too Much Oxygen Good or Bad?

Before the FU FUN FUN part begins, a tip for you all: BREATH!

At lock down, I did my yoga breathing to help me relax. Not only did it do that but I became a bit giddy and euphoric. And so when I heard the musical bell that declares the end of a station for the girls who were being examined, I thought it sounded a lot like Fairouz's song Dahlak Ya Tair Al Wrwar and started singing. That opened the door for more Fairouz and a lot of drunk singing and laughing. A bunch of girls dropped everything and tuned in for the pre-exam entertainment. I was a star.

Then was the actual exam. It wasn't great but al 7mdullah it went smoothly. At one station, I think the purpose of it was to get pissed off by the patient's irrational fears and try to calmly reassure them. It wasn't really irritating or anything but the doctor somehow was VERY impressed with me. After I finished talking to the patient, she asked how would I evaluate myself and being in the KAUH environment when you are always looked at as the idiot student, I couldn't possibly say I was freaking brilliant. I criticized my shaky Arabic and failure to answer one irrelevant question. The doctor then interrupted, telling me how perfect I was and how she didn't even need to interfere and guide me then she moved on to my "great English" and asked if I studied abroad? I said no and the credit goes to my mom cuz she's an English teacher who taught me since infancy. Then she was mesmerized by mom and kept asking all random questions about her. Who could blame her? My mom is amazing. But then the bell rang and I had to beg to please let me go.

At the history station, we were to ask a pretend dad -the intern- about his kid who has sickle cell anemia. The thing about this intern is that he is... I honestly can't find a word to describe him. He kept smiling, turning and fussing and giving lame answers in a very blah tone. Well, Mr. if you can't take this seriously, I sure as hell can't and I could match your tone and double it too. And that is what I did. Plus he was wearing cherry red lip balm, as I was.

While taking a history you should analyse the patient's chief complain then proceed to other things. I, being the amazing diagnostician that I am -Yes, House got nothing on me- didn't! The father told me his son has leg pain and I automatically thought it was a vasso-occlusive crisis. Which it was but still I needed to explore the pain even more. I now realize that the intern was actually nice as he tried to help me by mentioning the leg pain twice and I was like yeah you said that, moving on. Stupid me but what is an OSCE station if you didn't forget a thing or three? :P

Day Dos: You Never Know What You Have Until You Lose it.

Day two and another history taking session. This time hematuria. Let me first just say how much I love Nephrology and point to the fact that I KNOW hematuria. I feel so ashamed. I once again figured out the diagnosis too early and all other reasons totally blanked. I knew there was so much more to explore but I just couldn't. And this new intern/father was really into playing the role of the concerned dad. And he kept putting a sweet encouraging smile but when I tried wiggling out a clue or two about what should I ask he was such an ass. Where is yesterday's intern? He would have helped. I wanted to cry LOL.

Next station was the doctor who though I was fascinating. When I started examining the patient, she kept yelling "mashallah, mashallah ma bdy a7sdik you are so good and organized" and she didn't pay attention to what I was doing and then asked me to please repeat =_=

The 2 other stations were lovely. Run by two amazing nephrologists. God I love those people.

Man this OSCE wasn't really funny ha? Well thank God it's over. Wish me luck on the written and inactive OSCE. :)