Showing posts with label sarcasms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sarcasms. Show all posts

Jan 7, 2012

An Angel Vs. a Doctor

Remember my paediatrics reflections? Well, this is my post surgery reflection.

I sit here today, as my surgery rotation is almost over and after watching The Victoria's Secret 2011 fashion show, reflecting over my life. What the fuck did I do? I'm cute. I'm hot. Not tall enough to be a model. But I should have picked a career where I can utilize this cuteness. Perhaps an air hostess or my current plan B a yoga instructor. Fuck, I could have married a doctor and been a trophy wife. Why did I have to go and be the doctor myself?

Sadly, what's done is done and it's only a few months and I'll graduate and be a doctor. A doctor whom when she pouts, men turn into a puddle.




Imma get that Incredible cape and be The Incredible Doctor. xD



P.S: this isn't my real surgery reflection. The real one went more like bah bah black sheep have you any wool? I LOVE SURGERY!

P.S.S: no, seriously. I really do.


Jun 12, 2011

A Stupid Kid



I know this is old but I just had the misfortune of watching it. THE MOST ANNOYING STUPIDEST KID EVER!

Now don't get me wrong. I HATE SAUDI! But what I hate more is alflsfah from a Saudi. And so I am here today, putting my OB book aside and proving him stupid.

Luckily, just a couple of days ago I got all nostalgic, played with my dolls and read an old Winnie the Pooh book which I got from guess where? AMERICA TDAH DAH DAH. So let us tackle this stupid kid's arguments and send him to his daddy crying.

  1. I'm pretty sure the man's name is Mimon not Lemon. Fucking learn how to read.
  2. Really you never read an English book that was "s5eef"? I beg to disagree. How to Catch a Heffalump was the stupidest shit ever. Winnie the Pooh is insanely dumb and the whole time I was rereading the book I was thinking: how the fuck did I loved him when I was little? Child, you just don't read much. In every language there are the lame books and the good ones. You just have to pick the right ones which also must be age appropriate. Maybe the "crazy book" you were referring to was for younger midgets. Like the Winnie the Pooh book. It was definitely not targeted to amuse the 20 something bored girl who would do anything to avoid studying.
  3. You judge a book by the number of pages? It's quality not quantity but what can I say you are a Saudi.
  4. Stupid dad, heard of Bambi? The mother dies. It's OK. Kids can handle death. You don't want your child exposed to this kind of tragedy, read the fucking book before giving it to him.
  5. "How can you actually buy a new mom?...". I bet you this is not a concept created by Arabs. Watch Trading Mom there's a market where you can actually buy a new mom. The horror.
  6. "You only have one mom who is dead. So you have to actually just grow up and then just marry something...". A) That's mean. B) That's your solution? To just marry "something"? Like what a sex doll?
  7. Wow his favourite dinosaur is the one who looks like an insect. Good choice. NOT!
I blame the dad. His kid is nothing special and just as bad as Rebecca Black.

P.S: I'm not defending Arabic literature. It sucks.

Dec 29, 2010

Devil Babies?


When last week ended I wanted to write a post about how wonderful the 2 weeks I spent with the rheumatology team at KAUH were the most amazing in my entire educational life at KAU. But everything I wrote wasn't enough and didn't remotely show how very, extremely happy I was. How can you describe the 2 weeks that made you fall back in love with medicine? I'm head over heals here. Even thinking about it makes me tearful and my heart aches of love and joy. Silly? You had to be there to understand.

At the end of this week, I want to burst out crying. I actually almost did during session today. happy tears they were not. I started paediatric this week and will by studying it for the next 3 months. And I am beyond frustrated!

I don't really hate kids. I mean yes, I don't get why people are so keen to reproducing and yes they are cute little creatures that will grow up to be the ass holes adults that we are -not they aren't in their own way. But I don't hate them. Hey at least I said some of them are cute.
But the thing about paediatric is it's so fucking annoying. These additional, complicated parts in their history. The fact that you can't even take the history from them. Their tiny, cranky, hell screaming bodies. Their different parameters and shit. It's like you have to start processing new information all over again. And the fucking department. DUDE! It's the 2nd day and I'm supposed to know how to deal with them and to have logic regarding their conditions? Plus they are the 2nd most conservative department in the hospital. And for the fear of the 2 genders mixing, "sitat al byoot, al hoanim" aka 6th year guys will stay at KAUH and us the ones who can drive -thank you KSA- will go to other hospitals at day then come back at noon to attends lectures at KAUH. LOGIC YOU SAY?

To top it off, I don't know what's up with my fucked up luck that it can't give me a break or in this case a weekend. So you see I was at MCH al azyziah this week and next week I'll be at MCH al ms3diah. And dear me have a case presentation on Saturday. Ideally I'm supposed to take it from al msa3diah but how could I when I'm at al azyziah? I have to come at the weekend and take a case. My stupid name keeps getting Saturday's for case presentations. And so I come to the hospital on weekends and I REALLY don't like being alone. But in this case I WILL NOT GO! I'm sorry. I'm not used to these hospitals yet and I'm already suicidal you do not want to push me further.
So I took a case from al azizyah this morning and I couldn't finish reading the file for the hospital course cuz the doctor decided to come early and start the session. THAT PISSED ME OFF! I have lectures all afternoon in a DIFFERENT hospital, I HAVE TO COME ON A WEEKEND NOW? HELL NO!
Then it rained. And I was saved. Jeddah people are so afraid of any drop of rain since last year so lectures got cancelled. And I stayed and finished up my case AL 7MDULLAH! I didn't get to see the rain though *pout*

Let's just hope I do great on Saturday and get over my frustration with paediatric or just suck it up like a big girl.

P.S: I MISS YOU RHEUMATOLOGY!

Sep 18, 2010

Vampires Suck

No, I'm not talking about the movie. Though I can't wait to see it.



I am talking about all the little holes and flaws made in the idea of them. Don't get me wrong I love watching True Blood and The Vampire Diaries and I love to think that maybe vampires really do exist -don't you dare make fun of me- but I just can't let go of all the biological crap.
For instance in TVD,when a vamp wants to save a human's life and he feeds him from his blood and then say "it'll pass through your system in a few days". What? How in the world? Last time I checked we human beings do NOT sweat blood and unless you are a woman and will get your period in the next few days, I don't see how this blood will pass through your system. Which then brings us to True Blood, the blood NEVER passes through your system? If you had some of the vamp's blood, you'll always have his blood in you and you'll be connected for life. Dude, red blood cells life span is 120 days. The connection should only last that long, dumb ass.

And another thing what's up with the lame ass vampire always getting the special girl and the HOT, awesome, fantastic vampire always falling in love with her but can never have her cuz he is "bad" and plus she is madly in love with her tormented vamp. But wait a sec why is this vamp so tormented in the first place? I though he has no soul?
And how come vampires' love is so strong and undying? Yet again I thought they had no souls? Are you telling me, that for a love to be true and everlasting it should be soul-less? No, wait. Now I'm confused. What is a soul anyway? I'll Google it.

Plato, drawing on the words of his teacher Socrates, considered the soul as the essence of a person, being, that which decides how we behave. He considered this essence as an incorporeal, eternal occupant of our being. As bodies die the soul is continually reborn in subsequent bodies. The Platonic soul comprises three parts:

  1. the logos (mind, nous, or reason)
  2. the thymos (emotion, or spiritedness, or masculine)
  3. the eros (appetitive, or desire, or feminine)

Each of these has a function in a balanced and peaceful soul.

Shit! I don't care what you say, according to Plato them vampires got souls. Or they are really alive and not dead as they claim? Is being a vamp just another way of being? Which brings me to another flaw in the plot. You say they are dead. Their hearts don't beat. So blood is not being pumped to their organs. But yet they bleed, cry blood, and have erections. Weird. I could let it drop it by saying they maybe are engorged with blood and male vampires are running around with a hard one all night. OK? Seriously vampires suck!

But we still love them xD


Damon Salvatore from TVD. Bless his non-beating heart. In one scene he was reading Twilight and he said they got it all wrong or something. And that's why they suck and don't even qualify to be called vampires.

And an even better reason to love and to forget all about the suckniess

Eric Northman from True Blood. He'll make you want to jump out of your skin

I watch too much TV :/

May 17, 2010

Dear Old Medical School

So I'm sure at some point you have heard a medical student rant about the noble awesome reasons that lead them to take this umm bitter-sweet path? At my first year I was asked about my reasons and I honestly can't remember what did I answer. All that I know that I never wanted to be superman and save the world. The typical stupid answer of helping people used to piss the fuck out of me. I still remember this one girl that said she's in for the money. I salute her and admire her for being honest. Cuz I'm sure a lot of the so-called guardian angels are in it for the same reason. Oh well I know your dying to know my true reasons or maybe it's us medical students who can't shut up and are dying to tell the world why are we saving them :P
  1. At middle school, I said I'll be a neurosurgeon and I can't back down now, can I? But scratch the neurosurgeon part. My other nick name is butter fingers. :/
  2. I took the what-is-the-best-job-for-you-exam (I just made up the name but you get the drift?). Anywho my consular looked right at me and told me to be a doctor and nothing but a doctor and to give her a ring once I am. And maybe if I want to be a magazine editor or a writer on the side I can do that too. But NEVER be a farmer or a musician. Here goes all the convincing to get a guitar down the drains. I just had an epiphany. Maybe my low environmental-work score is what is making me wishing to marry a florist or a gardener. To compensate. By the way I think Jeff Leatham is a dream guy.
  3. I wanted to see my uncle in action. Now that I have, I kinda of hate him xD
  4. My mom said it's the only job that will suit my big ego hehe.
  5. I want to be able to help in a war. WTF? I know. And No, that is not saving the world :P
Can't be more true. Though I still want my Nobel prize -inshallah.

Yes, dear old medical school has crushed all our poor poor dreams. We don't want to save the fucking world. We want to be saved from this never-ending-crap. I'm so fucking depressed. I know it's not only school but it's sure damn as hell not giving me the chance to breath and solve my issues. Oh and the fact that I can't remember what I have studied for so long fucking hours after the exam is KILLING ME! What if I'm not a good doctor? Oh no worries I have two plans:
  1. A book should be near me at all times and never answer a patient's question before reviewing the answer first.
  2. Go to France. Attend a cooking course. Open my sweet little bakery *heart*. I'm so tempted to drop out and go for it now. Nahh I'm kidding. Or am I? You know the awesome Jay Sean? I LOVE his music. Baby are you down down down. But you know what made me love him even more? He was a fucking MEDICAL STUDENT then he dropped out to be a mega super star. Smart guy eh?
You know what also sucks about being in medical school? You feel so fucking dumb! You used to be the smart ass and then puff you enter medical school. Your smart-assness grow even bigger, cuz you think your such a hot shot entering and what so ever. But then bom bom paw you realize that smarter people entered with you and even more smarter people are teaching you and will do EVERYTHING to show you what a dumb-stupid-low-life you really are. No, Smart CoOkie does not stand for real smartness. I'll explain it in another post. And actually when people call me smart, I almost always take it as an insult.
Which then brings the subject of how medical students are -for a reason that is beyond me- so smug with themselves. Seriously guys and girls you are NOT REAL DOCTORS!



Oops did I just say too much? Oh well. I'll leave you with a little something from The Placebo Chronicles.

STAGES of the PHYSICIAN

I want to help people.
I want to make it through this hell.
I want to make it through this hell without killing someone.
I may have killed someone.
I want someone to help me.

I want to make money.
I want to spend money.
I want to save money.
Where the hell is my money?
I need to make money.

I don’t know anything.
There is too much to know.
I will never know all of this.
I don’t need to know all of this.
I only need to know a little.
I don’t care if I know anything.

I want to be needed.
I love my white jacket.
I love the power of the pager.
I hate this f*cking pager.
I don’t want to wear a stupid jacket.
I want to be left alone.

This patient has some interesting problems.
This patient has some real disease.
This patient needs to be hugged and loved.
This patient has a lot of nothing.
This patient has Sh*tty Life Syndrome.
This patient needs to leave; I need to be hugged and loved.



P.S: I honestly LOVE being in medical school, I'm so grateful and I can't imagine my life any other way.*heart*

Dec 7, 2009

Scrubs Story


Hello boys & girls. Today I'll tell you a story that is only Disney material.
Once upon a time, a hospital in far-middle-east-away named Kapo Atona was ruled by a nice awesome dean, called Addy. Dear old Addy was summon by a higher power to be much more than the dean of medicine. Addy couldn't refuse & left his unfortunate students to a mean old new dean named Zolar.

Zolar was a strict old fashioned stone headed dean. He hated colors, patterns, fashion & beauty. Uniqueness wasn't a word in his dictionary. His vision of a well controlled hospital is hundreds of walking replicates. You see copies are easier to control. All of them the same. None will stand out. So a dress code he enforced & a scrub underneath a white coat it will be.
But that's not it. Zolar thought that's not enough. Wearing scrubs isn't enough to make an army of look alikes. You see there is this wide see of colors & styles out there. He couldn't possibly let Kapo Atona run wiled like a circus show. So he must enforce one color. No, one shade of that color.

Experts on bad taste & how to look ugly were brought from all over the world. Meetings & meetings were held to come up with the unflattering color Kapo Atona's girls going to ware.

The guys were already asked to ware ciel blue scrubs by dean Addy. It wasn't an injustice decision like this one. You see the guys asked for it, when they decided to come to Kapo Atona with their baggy, low wasted jeans & their boxers showing. The curly shaggy hair didn't help either.

After weeks of debating they settled on the dreadful color of the tale of the most famous fish in history, Ariel. The girls in Kapo Atona were appalled by such color. Well, maybe not all of them but our sheroin -the fair maiden Ayzim- sure did.


Ayzim met Ariel two years ago in a ball held in the crystal castle in far-middle-east-away. And let's just say, Ariel stole Ayzim's date, spilled cranberry juice all over her dress and slapped her with her tale accidentally on the face. That tale's color was not a color Ayzim wants to see and most certainly wear ever again. But hey Zolar's commands were umm commands.
So she & some other Kapo Atona girls went looking for this hideous color. Some made jokes, that they will wear red head scarfs to match Ariel's hair. And oh was that going to be an ugly seen.

The thing that Zolar didn't count for is that this color was a sub-color more than a real color. And let's face it far-middle-east-away is so far that sometimes some sub-colors looses its way before reaching it. Luckily for Ayzim, this sub-color was long lost with Ariel's trip back to the deep deep ocean.

Zolar was furious. He gathered his bad taste experts again & started brain storming. What color would make them look pale & ugly? Lucky for Kapo Atona's girls, Zolar & his experts weren't the kind of men to learn from their mistakes. So they picked another seaweed sub-color that they themselves couldn't find. And settled by telling the girls to bring scrubs with a color bluer & darker than the sample they have provided. How & who in the world know what sub-color is that? They didn't even provide this sub-color's name! Obviously such sub-color was not found. And another debate was going to take place.

The girls were bored & annoyed from such madness over a freaking color! So a suggestion was offered to wear the same ciel blue color as the guys. It is the most popular scrubs color after all. Oh but no. How could Zolar approve of such unheard of thing? Yes he wants them all to be the same. But how in the world would he tell if the person in front of him is a female or a male?
WOW In far-middle-east-away the 2 genders looked a like apparently? Or perhaps they were a mutant species with both female & male physical characters in one body? One over comes the other of course or how could have they be labeled as females or males in the first place. I don't know about you boys & girls but this far-middle-east-away land is looking more bazaar every second.
Another debate & another unheard of sub-color was chosen. Another unfound sub-color that is.
Weeks have passed by & still the scrubs color national dilemma was still unsolved. Zolar was getting desperate. Those girls were still parading around in their skinny pants & he's loosing face. He must act fast. Does that mean he have to compromise? It must be. It's his only choice. So he gets down of his high thrown & approves of the ciel blue. I know what you are thinking: God help us, how in the world would we know which sex is which? Ahh but there's a twist my lovely boys & girls. The brilliant Zolar already has a fix. The ciel blue the girls must wear is a tinge darker than the guys' ciel blue. (m3 nfso o Allah y3eeno 3la nfso 8olo ameen)

The thing is the tinge-darker-ciel-blue is very, whats the word? ridiculous & who would have the time to go look for it. Ayzim & some other sensible friends bought the normal ciel blue scrubs.

They didn't think Zolar was stupid enough to compare between the scrubs & what shade they are in? Doesn't the dean of medicine have something else better to do? Oh but how they were wrong. Some rumor was spread that not only every body should wear the same exact shade but also the same exact freaking fabric, made by the same exact tailor. Now now, here Ayzim's draws the line. What kind of injustice is this? Besides, a few years back Cinderella ruined her dress & she hates all tailors now. I know you think Ayzim has an issue with every princess out there? Anger management courses? I'll be sure to tell her.
Today after a 2 weeks break, some were wearing their blue scrubs, including Ayzim. Everyone was wearing a different shade of blue. So far no objections. But the question remains: will Zolar & Kapo Atona's staff will be like the Jews giving so much importance & asking Moses about the color of the cow they need to slaughter? Or would they just let it go? After all, It's not like it's a national security issue.
The End

P.S: I'm sick. This insanity can not be held against me.