On Crappy Seniors

July 2012 will be the end of medical school and by August -inshallah- we will be real life doctors! I'm more terrified than excited. Questioning whether or not I'll be good enough to handle human life? This is our last chance as students to attain as much information and skills and be worthy of such responsibility. So it is horrific to see some seniors still not getting it. Thinking it is a game and they can swing it with their la-di-da attitudes.

To cheat is never acceptable. But for obvious reasons, I always thought that it is even worse when a doctor or an architect does it. Still they do and catastrophes happen. I'm sure it all started when they were students. From cheating in exams, fake cases and undeserved signatures on easy tasks on their lame log books to prescribing the wrong/any/every drug to profit the pharmaceutical company which is paying for his/her trip to France next month. Prophet Mohammed PBUH, said: "He who cheats is not of us". Us being Muslims. It does not get any clearer than that.

I personally think students shouldn't be allowed to do procedures on patients. Except maybe if it's a simple procedure, you were supervised by a responsible doctor and you actually KNOW WHAT and WHY you are doing this procedure. If not, then I hope someone someday will do the same to you.

Really people you give medicine a bad name.

First On Call

First On Call- The Can't Wait to Get Home & Sob edition. Or First On Call- The Bitter-sweet edition.

I'm sure you gathered that it was my first on call with the OB/GYN department and actually first ever! It was a true roller-coaster. From the genuine smiles to the kill-me-now-I-can't-look-the-patient's-family-in-the-eyes-moments.

The day started extra early -at 8 am. - because I'm lucky like that. Normal day routine till 4 then the shift begins. What happened?

1. An allegedly fully dilated pregnant lady who we wait 6 hours for her to deliver and she doesn't.
2. A lady who suddenly comes to the ER and delivers spontaneously. Her mother's worries during and joyful relief after. The dad's smile when he first knew about his son. All get to you. OB can be a real crowd pleaser.
3. And then it can be the complete opposite. When the woman whom's fetus was mal-positioned and so needed a C-section to then be delivered dead. When the woman's family asks you how it went and you go to find out and decide to disappear till the doctor tells them. When he does and their happy expecting faces turn dull. When you watch them go see the dead fetus. When you go see it yourself, an other wise normal baby but dead. When you fight the urge to sob. When you see the doctors going through every detail, trying to figure out what went wrong. When you see tears and utter pain in the eyes of the doctors. That's when OB totally sucks.
4. And it doesn't end there. Two of my friends who also witnessed the previous tragedy, witnessed another. Another C-section with a fetus incompatible with life. A fetus so deformed, I'm actually glad I didn't see. God be with those mothers and their families. And may they be granted healthy babies in the future who would live long and make them proud.
5. God sent us a reason to smile. This little boy Bander, who we met at the vending machines earlier, decides to break dance for us with his friend. And guess what they are actually good. They got a standing ovation from us.
6. There's a cat which lives in the hospital's cafeteria. Only comes out after hours.

La Tortura

I love Shakira. And this song is one of my all time favourites of hers. But to tell you the truth, before last night, I only could understand the word Amor.

Last night I was in the Spanish-Shakira mood and since I really want to learn Spanish and I don't have the time to take proper lessons now -inshallah I will in the summer- I decided to google the lyrics of Spanish songs, memorise the new words and their meanings. One song a night. And La Tortura won tonight. I must say, I'm more in love with this song than ever. He's begging for her forgiveness and giving her his heart and she's dismissing him like the cheating dog he once was. Estoy gusta. I don't know if that is even gramatically correct but I likey :P

Let's hope I keep it up.

Back to Earth

I'm warming up to paediatrics. It's not that bad. Kids are in fact cute.

Devil Babies?

When last week ended I wanted to write a post about how wonderful the 2 weeks I spent with the rheumatology team at KAUH were the most amazing in my entire educational life at KAU. But everything I wrote wasn't enough and didn't remotely show how very, extremely happy I was. How can you describe the 2 weeks that made you fall back in love with medicine? I'm head over heals here. Even thinking about it makes me tearful and my heart aches of love and joy. Silly? You had to be there to understand.

At the end of this week, I want to burst out crying. I actually almost did during session today. happy tears they were not. I started paediatric this week and will by studying it for the next 3 months. And I am beyond frustrated!

I don't really hate kids. I mean yes, I don't get why people are so keen to reproducing and yes they are cute little creatures that will grow up to be the ass holes adults that we are -not they aren't in their own way. But I don't hate them. Hey at least I said some of them are cute.

But the thing about paediatric is it's so fucking annoying. These additional, complicated parts in their history. The fact that you can't even take the history from them. Their tiny, cranky, hell screaming bodies. Their different parameters and shit. It's like you have to start processing new information all over again. And the fucking department. DUDE! It's the 2nd day and I'm supposed to know how to deal with them and to have logic regarding their conditions? Plus they are the 2nd most conservative department in the hospital. And for the fear of the 2 genders mixing, "sitat al byoot, al hoanim" aka 6th year guys will stay at KAUH and us the ones who can drive -thank you KSA- will go to other hospitals at day then come back at noon to attends lectures at KAUH. LOGIC YOU SAY?

To top it off, I don't know what's up with my fucked up luck that it can't give me a break or in this case a weekend. So you see I was at MCH al azyziah this week and next week I'll be at MCH al ms3diah. And dear me have a case presentation on Saturday. Ideally I'm supposed to take it from al msa3diah but how could I when I'm at al azyziah? I have to come at the weekend and take a case. My stupid name keeps getting Saturday's for case presentations. And so I come to the hospital on weekends and I REALLY don't like being alone. But in this case I WILL NOT GO! I'm sorry. I'm not used to these hospitals yet and I'm already suicidal you do not want to push me further.

So I took a case from al azizyah this morning and I couldn't finish reading the file for the hospital course cuz the doctor decided to come early and start the session. THAT PISSED ME OFF! I have lectures all afternoon in a DIFFERENT hospital, I HAVE TO COME ON A WEEKEND NOW? HELL NO!

Then it rained. And I was saved. Jeddah people are so afraid of any drop of rain since last year so lectures got cancelled. And I stayed and finished up my case AL 7MDULLAH! I didn't get to see the rain though *pout*

Let's just hope I do great on Saturday and get over my frustration with paediatric or just suck it up like a big girl.

P.S: I MISS YOU RHEUMATOLOGY!

Late Night Rambles

Damn it people. All I read is about football and footballers. Yes, of course medical books too. But I'm on a break now so... But really those websites are addictive. You must check them out: http://www.kickette.com/ & http://unamadridista.wordpress.com/

All I want to talk, tweet and blog about is football. It's not cute or funny any more. Don't get me wrong, I'm LOVING it. It brings such joy to me. I'd drop medical school and be a sports journalist in a heart beat. But the thing is, am I boring you? No, one really told me I am. I just get the oh but you are a girl how come you like football comments and A LOT of them. Blah people it's gorgeous men running around. How come guys like it? That is the real question. And girls, liking sports does not make you less feminine. Sheesh it's gorgeous men and they take their shirts off at the end!

I love how I'm not alone in this. 2 of my friends got the football fever since the world cup too. And Zooz even tweeted this when I tweeted my concerns of the effects of this fever on my life:

@Dodah4 I know....i talk about 2 things...1)Football i.e happiness...2)kau i.e depression...lol

It amazes me how long this fever has lasted. Usually I have a very short attention span. I never get addicted to anything. A month or two is my limit. Football really knew how to tie me down.

Anywho, I think it's time for a distraction. I mean it's healthy for me to blab about other things. Right? I asked my friend and she said I should write about my love for her - yeah right- or guys and relationships. Blah. So now I ask you what should I write about? TV shows? OK.

Could Serena be an even more psycho/slut/bitch than she already is. That professor Collen is all forbidden-candy-I-MUST-have-him when she can't and he's yuck-oh-I-forgot-I'm-in-love-with-Dan when she can? SLUT!

And is it me or is Blair and Chuck is double m3 nfshom this season? Yes, Chuck made us all beg for mercy when he went all "I'm Chuck Bass" on that poor French girl. But that is it this season. The crappy love/hate sex scene with B was beyond bad and actually very funny.

And Blair, turn the ego down a notch, will ya? It's disgusting. Cute when you were16 but not any more. And when she said:

"Once men have tasted caviare, it baffles me how they settle for catfish."

Oh shit woman who the fuck do you think you are? Yes, what she said is perfectly correct but NOT in her case. BITCH! Just because she's rich doesn't make her caviare. That spoiled brat. The French girl was uglier true but she was also nice and pure and a whore. OK so maybe she was really catfish. But B didn't know that did she?

Why is Jenny afraid of B and Chuck? What can they really do beside making her miserable that is.

Oh and the stupid tricks and games everyone is playing in this show, WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE? FIVE? It's really getting lame.

On an up beat fashion wise note, I LOVE S's backless dresses. They look gorgeous on her. I want them! Blair's clothes suck all around this season too but her hair, I'm loving the color.

Enough about GG. Now some Brothers & Sisters. LMAO @ when Luke's mom appeared. I thought they thought we were stupid enough to think a Latino actress is French. But then she was Portuguese who lived her life in France. Oh those Portuguese, how they manage to pop up even in my shows. *sigh*

Umm that's it. You need more? I watch a lot of shows. You just ask for it. Or give me something else to write about or just ask me to shut up. I won't by the way.

Oh wait, this summer I was learning Spanish. And I was doing pretty good. By the end of the summer I could read and actually understand the general idea of what I read. Especially my football articles. xD

When school started I didn't have time so I stopped working on my Spanish. I'm forgetting things. I'm not as half as good. I can only go: uno, dos , tres, cuatro. I used to count to 20 and more before. Me so sad *pout*

P.S: I have been staring at Segio Ramos's face for hours now. Great shot!

First Oral

Hello, guess what I'm done with my first oral exam since 6th grade. What's an oral exam? Sounds dirty right? It's just me? OK. An oral exam it's when you basically get to play super doctor. You take history from the patient, examine them, order investigations, diagnose them, and then counsel and manage them. ALL in 10 minutes. In all fairness, in this exam we just said the examination we were to perform for the sake of time. But still KTEER!

Anywho, as a regular matter in KAU, we didn't have enough time to study and prepare for the exam so I was very nervous. But al7mdullah the case was easy, asthma, and the examiners were so nice. I think? We will know when I get my marks. :P

My only regrets: I didn't ask about previous hospitalization cuz of an attack and I didn't ask the patient to stop smoking. I'm sure I forgot other things but I don't recall them now. Plus I was supposed to "sympathize" with the patient. But she was an ice queen, showed no emotions what so ever. I can't sympathise with that. Marks on sympathy went down the drains. *pout*

Then the doctor asked me a couple of questions about cases I wrote in my log book. It was umm let's just say I answered some and said I don't remember to a couple. :P

All in all I got a "momtaz" from the doc bs hopefully she meant it.

Tomorrow is the final written so wish me luck. :)

FUCK U KAU!

Let me take you through my day. I wake up around 6:30 a.m. cuz I must be in the hospital at 7:30, to catch the bus to go to a primary health clinic. The bus driver is a reckless, maniac who wants us all dead but unfortunately always fails and only succeed in mixing us like a happy hour cocktail.

An hour later we arrive at the PHC. We are supposed to observe doctors working their magic on patients and to learn from them some life long valuable skills. We observe all right. We observe the doctors that we don't want to be and if -God forbid we were- we ask the courage to leave this practice to some more worthy, qualified doctors cuz this is LIVES we are messing with!

The PHC is very boring. It's not located in a poor neighbourhood so there aren't many patients. We deal with some doctors crap, walk around looking for something to do, fail, then talk about the Porsche parked outside the PHC, wondering which doc might possibly owns it, we leave, get mixed like a cocktail again, get a major headache, arrive at the university, miss breakfast/lunch or settle for whatever, attend VERY boring lectures till 4:00 p.m., go home. Or sometimes they don't even finish on time and you must fucking stay.

When I finally arrive home, sometimes I'm too tired to even sleep. Like today, that's why I'm writing this. xD

Then I must study. Cuz guess what? On Saturday I have an OSCE exam. Yeah, we only just started. I know! After that you sleep a restless sleep and repeat the cycle all over again. Fun day? So yeah fuck you KAU!

On another note today was a bit different. Still frustrating but different morning cocktail mixing. We went to the Arabian Centre for Natural Treatment. It's owned by doctor and engineer Yahya Koshk, a very interesting person.

At the centre they have a lot of kewl, since fictiony sounding stuff. It's just I wished they demonstrated those therapies they were talking about so we can see for ourselves. If you want to know what I'm talking about Google alternative and complementary medicine :P

Tell me about your day. Hope it's better than mine. :)

And girls don't forget to feel your boobies.

Flexible Me?

Before the summer started. I was watching So You Think You Can Dance season 7. And you know how I am when I watch TV, I wanna be like them. But when it comes to this show I will just settle with being as flexible as the dancers. Cuz I was not flexible. Can't-reach-my-toes-even -though-I'm-thin-inflexible. So I had to do something about it. Noticed how I used was instead of is?

Yes ladies and gents, I am now flexible LOL. Wanna know how? Will, since the beginning of the summer I have started doing some Kundalini yoga. Though I'm not into the spiritual, mental thingy.

At the first session, it was as I heard some say, like you have never breathed before. I have used up some lung capacity, I have never knew existed. I don't know if it was the too much oxygen that went to my brain for the first time or what? But I stayed light headed and dizzy for 3 hours after. People you should REALLY learn how to breath. Good breathing uplifts your spirit and relaxes you beyond anything else. And that concludes the good part of the first experience.

I found out how inflexible my body really is and it was extremely frustrating not being able to get into the full poses. And while I'm in the middle of my struggle, the dude in the DVD says "and you're as young as your spine is flexible". THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I'm 21 and my spine is stiff as hell so what does that makes me? 40? Needless to say that line destroyed me.

1st attempt to get into camel pose.

Thankfully the frustration was a result of the first session alone. The second day, I was able to get into most of the poses except camel pose but still I took that pose further than I did before. Which was a big thing cuz it was the hardest one for me. Third time I got into ALL the poses. Including camel pose. I am so happy with the results and really amazed of how fast it happened alhmdullah. As I'm continuing to do yoga, I'm getting better and better results every day. And I'm doing pilates now too.

2nd attempt. Note: the heels are raised.

Full pose. I CAN DO THIS NOW! :D

Remember people you are as young as your spines are flexible. :P

4th Year - Final Day

I had 4 finals today. Ophthalmology finale written and OSCE. ENT finale written and OSCE. I didn't REALLY study. I was busy last night. First with being excited about Portugal's match vs Spain. Then was busy being absolutely mad and depressed cuz poor old Portugal lost. And it wasn't a fair loss. Ronaldo so deserved at least a free kick and if so it was an absolute goal but the fucking referee denied it. Whatever, it is over right? Anyway, so after the match I couldn't possibly study. I discussed the thing with my friends on facebook then I went to bed. Woke up in the morning. Had some coffee, which I don't usually do. Started studying and did some or a lot of twittering. Went to the hospital. Took the ophthalmology written then at the OSCE, I wrote the answers at the questions sheet, although the doc specifically told us to write it in the ANSWERS SHEET. Thank God Dr.Bawzeer noticed and unfortunately wasn't very happy with my stupidity. So he got really mad, stood right next to me and pretended to scream at the whole auditorium but me and everyone around me knew he was actually screaming at me. At the moment I was so embarrassed, I wanted al ar9' tnsh8 o tbl3ny. Then a few minutes after, he came back to make sure I wrote them in the right place. Again whatever! Though some girls really LIKE this doc and I was told by one of them "You should be honoured he noticed you and talked to you". Really? I hope next time it happens to you then. But really thank you doc for noticing. Woosh.

Then there was ENT. Dr.Sindi kept fucking screaming like a mad man for an unknown reason to me. The dude almost gave me a heart attack. Anyway, the ENT OSCE was SUPER SHIT! I only wish the person who corrects my paper doesn't kill himself. The written was meh. But it couldn't just be a meh. No, God forbid. My tummy remembered its famous exams ritual that it has to make noises. And guess what? Yes, the resident was standing a few steps behind me. Fuck. I kept praying he doesn't hear my tummy and wished oh how I wished that I had breakfast before I came. It wasn't that loud so hopefully he didn't hear or that I never see him or doc Bawzeer ever again.

Then I rewarded my self with a Farppuccino and a cookie from Starbucks. What a wonderful day to end such a wonderful year. Please fifth year, do not be as wonderful or even more. My heart could only handle much wonderfullity.

God, I still can't believe this year has actually ended al 7mdullah. And it's been a full school year since I wrote this post: 4th Year-Day One.

By the way what do you think should I do something productive this summer or should I just lounge around? I'm so confused. Again whatever. Wish you all a great summer XoXO.

Note to KAU: 4 finals before an important match and then nothing at the days where no matches what so ever are held? FUCK YOU!

Dear Old Medical School

So I'm sure at some point you have heard a medical student rant about the noble awesome reasons that lead them to take this umm bitter-sweet path? At my first year I was asked about my reasons and I honestly can't remember what did I answer. All that I know that I never wanted to be superman and save the world. The typical stupid answer of helping people used to piss the fuck out of me. I still remember this one girl that said she's in for the money. I salute her and admire her for being honest. Cuz I'm sure a lot of the so-called guardian angels are in it for the same reason. Oh well I know your dying to know my true reasons or maybe it's us medical students who can't shut up and are dying to tell the world why are we saving them :P

1. At middle school, I said I'll be a neurosurgeon and I can't back down now, can I? But scratch the neurosurgeon part. My other nick name is butter fingers. :/
2. I took the what-is-the-best-job-for-you-exam (I just made up the name but you get the drift?). Anywho my consular looked right at me and told me to be a doctor and nothing but a doctor and to give her a ring once I am. And maybe if I want to be a magazine editor or a writer on the side I can do that too. But NEVER be a farmer or a musician. Here goes all the convincing to get a guitar down the drains. I just had an epiphany. Maybe my low environmental-work score is what is making me wishing to marry a florist or a gardener. To compensate. By the way I think Jeff Leatham is a dream guy.
3. I wanted to see my uncle in action. Now that I have, I kinda of hate him xD
4. My mom said it's the only job that will suit my big ego hehe.
5. I want to be able to help in a war. WTF? I know. And No, that is not saving the world :P

Can't be more true. Though I still want my Nobel prize -inshallah.

Yes, dear old medical school has crushed all our poor poor dreams. We don't want to save the fucking world. We want to be saved from this never-ending-crap. I'm so fucking depressed. I know it's not only school but it's sure damn as hell not giving me the chance to breath and solve my issues. Oh and the fact that I can't remember what I have studied for so long fucking hours after the exam is KILLING ME! What if I'm not a good doctor? Oh no worries I have two plans:

1. A book should be near me at all times and never answer a patient's question before reviewing the answer first.
2. Go to France. Attend a cooking course. Open my sweet little bakery *heart*. I'm so tempted to drop out and go for it now. Nahh I'm kidding. Or am I? You know the awesome Jay Sean? I LOVE his music. Baby are you down down down. But you know what made me love him even more? He was a fucking MEDICAL STUDENT then he dropped out to be a mega super star. Smart guy eh?

You know what also sucks about being in medical school? You feel so fucking dumb! You used to be the smart ass and then puff you enter medical school. Your smart-assness grow even bigger, cuz you think your such a hot shot entering and what so ever. But then bom bom paw you realize that smarter people entered with you and even more smarter people are teaching you and will do EVERYTHING to show you what a dumb-stupid-low-life you really are. No, Smart CoOkie does not stand for real smartness. I'll explain it in another post. And actually when people call me smart, I almost always take it as an insult.

Which then brings the subject of how medical students are -for a reason that is beyond me- so smug with themselves. Seriously guys and girls you are NOT REAL DOCTORS!

Oops did I just say too much? Oh well. I'll leave you with a little something from The Placebo Chronicles.

STAGES of the PHYSICIAN

I want to help people.
I want to make it through this hell.
I want to make it through this hell without killing someone.
I may have killed someone.
I want someone to help me.

I want to make money.
I want to spend money.
I want to save money.
Where the hell is my money?
I need to make money.

I don’t know anything.
There is too much to know.
I will never know all of this.
I don’t need to know all of this.
I only need to know a little.
I don’t care if I know anything.

I want to be needed.
I love my white jacket.
I love the power of the pager.
I hate this f*cking pager.
I don’t want to wear a stupid jacket.
I want to be left alone.

This patient has some interesting problems.
This patient has some real disease.
This patient needs to be hugged and loved.
This patient has a lot of nothing.
This patient has Sh*tty Life Syndrome.
This patient needs to leave; I need to be hugged and loved.

P.S: I honestly LOVE being in medical school, I'm so grateful and I can't imagine my life any other way.*heart*

Learning Turkish

Hey people check out this site: www.livemocha.com

It is a language teaching site and it's soooooooo awesome!

my friend Fadiosis hooked me up with it. Thanks sweets XOXO.