First On Call

First On Call- The Can't Wait to Get Home & Sob edition. Or First On Call- The Bitter-sweet edition.

I'm sure you gathered that it was my first on call with the OB/GYN department and actually first ever! It was a true roller-coaster. From the genuine smiles to the kill-me-now-I-can't-look-the-patient's-family-in-the-eyes-moments.

The day started extra early -at 8 am. - because I'm lucky like that. Normal day routine till 4 then the shift begins. What happened?

1. An allegedly fully dilated pregnant lady who we wait 6 hours for her to deliver and she doesn't.
2. A lady who suddenly comes to the ER and delivers spontaneously. Her mother's worries during and joyful relief after. The dad's smile when he first knew about his son. All get to you. OB can be a real crowd pleaser.
3. And then it can be the complete opposite. When the woman whom's fetus was mal-positioned and so needed a C-section to then be delivered dead. When the woman's family asks you how it went and you go to find out and decide to disappear till the doctor tells them. When he does and their happy expecting faces turn dull. When you watch them go see the dead fetus. When you go see it yourself, an other wise normal baby but dead. When you fight the urge to sob. When you see the doctors going through every detail, trying to figure out what went wrong. When you see tears and utter pain in the eyes of the doctors. That's when OB totally sucks.
4. And it doesn't end there. Two of my friends who also witnessed the previous tragedy, witnessed another. Another C-section with a fetus incompatible with life. A fetus so deformed, I'm actually glad I didn't see. God be with those mothers and their families. And may they be granted healthy babies in the future who would live long and make them proud.
5. God sent us a reason to smile. This little boy Bander, who we met at the vending machines earlier, decides to break dance for us with his friend. And guess what they are actually good. They got a standing ovation from us.
6. There's a cat which lives in the hospital's cafeteria. Only comes out after hours.

So Happy I Could Die :P

What a night! Man I feel like a G6 and I bet I'll wake up tomorrow inshallah felling like P.didy! What? Why you say? Well baby doll, Arsenal WON and wait for it, wait for it, Barcelona LOST!

The thing is, yesterday and today were BAAHD! I was so restless and out of my skin cuz I have my paediatric midterm this Saturday and I haven't had any exams since more than 2 months i.e. out of practice, double the panic! And I really wanted to go out and watch the Champions League game: Arsenal vs Barcelona but the guilt was killing me. Obviously I ignored my guilty conscious and went but it wasn't all flowers and roses. When I got to Fratelli cafe the douchebags were airing Hilal vs Ahly match, even when A vs B started! Saudi stupid teams instead of the UCL? REALLY? Obviously, I talked to the manager and demanded to switch the channel or I'M LEAVING AND THEN IT'S YOUR LOSS! They didn't! he just begged me to wait a few minutes. Hilal won. WHO CARES?!

Now finally we are watching the game. Mood already beyond fucked up. And then bam David Villa scores a goal for Barcelona. No comment.

The 2nd half begins and Van Persie scores for Arsenal! I screamed and clapped and the party begun baby! And then Arshivan scores the winner and I was on cloud nine xD

Source: thecowofthesea

Seriously the game was amazing and I'm not just happy becuase Barcelona lost. I also consider myself an honorary Arsenal fan since I'm the sister of 2 die hard Gunners! :p

So yeah happy happy day al 7mdullah xD

Wish me luck on my midterm and good luck to Real Madrid against Lyon next week xoxo

Devil Babies?

When last week ended I wanted to write a post about how wonderful the 2 weeks I spent with the rheumatology team at KAUH were the most amazing in my entire educational life at KAU. But everything I wrote wasn't enough and didn't remotely show how very, extremely happy I was. How can you describe the 2 weeks that made you fall back in love with medicine? I'm head over heals here. Even thinking about it makes me tearful and my heart aches of love and joy. Silly? You had to be there to understand.

At the end of this week, I want to burst out crying. I actually almost did during session today. happy tears they were not. I started paediatric this week and will by studying it for the next 3 months. And I am beyond frustrated!

I don't really hate kids. I mean yes, I don't get why people are so keen to reproducing and yes they are cute little creatures that will grow up to be the ass holes adults that we are -not they aren't in their own way. But I don't hate them. Hey at least I said some of them are cute.

But the thing about paediatric is it's so fucking annoying. These additional, complicated parts in their history. The fact that you can't even take the history from them. Their tiny, cranky, hell screaming bodies. Their different parameters and shit. It's like you have to start processing new information all over again. And the fucking department. DUDE! It's the 2nd day and I'm supposed to know how to deal with them and to have logic regarding their conditions? Plus they are the 2nd most conservative department in the hospital. And for the fear of the 2 genders mixing, "sitat al byoot, al hoanim" aka 6th year guys will stay at KAUH and us the ones who can drive -thank you KSA- will go to other hospitals at day then come back at noon to attends lectures at KAUH. LOGIC YOU SAY?

To top it off, I don't know what's up with my fucked up luck that it can't give me a break or in this case a weekend. So you see I was at MCH al azyziah this week and next week I'll be at MCH al ms3diah. And dear me have a case presentation on Saturday. Ideally I'm supposed to take it from al msa3diah but how could I when I'm at al azyziah? I have to come at the weekend and take a case. My stupid name keeps getting Saturday's for case presentations. And so I come to the hospital on weekends and I REALLY don't like being alone. But in this case I WILL NOT GO! I'm sorry. I'm not used to these hospitals yet and I'm already suicidal you do not want to push me further.

So I took a case from al azizyah this morning and I couldn't finish reading the file for the hospital course cuz the doctor decided to come early and start the session. THAT PISSED ME OFF! I have lectures all afternoon in a DIFFERENT hospital, I HAVE TO COME ON A WEEKEND NOW? HELL NO!

Then it rained. And I was saved. Jeddah people are so afraid of any drop of rain since last year so lectures got cancelled. And I stayed and finished up my case AL 7MDULLAH! I didn't get to see the rain though *pout*

Let's just hope I do great on Saturday and get over my frustration with paediatric or just suck it up like a big girl.

P.S: I MISS YOU RHEUMATOLOGY!

FUCK U KAU!

Let me take you through my day. I wake up around 6:30 a.m. cuz I must be in the hospital at 7:30, to catch the bus to go to a primary health clinic. The bus driver is a reckless, maniac who wants us all dead but unfortunately always fails and only succeed in mixing us like a happy hour cocktail.

An hour later we arrive at the PHC. We are supposed to observe doctors working their magic on patients and to learn from them some life long valuable skills. We observe all right. We observe the doctors that we don't want to be and if -God forbid we were- we ask the courage to leave this practice to some more worthy, qualified doctors cuz this is LIVES we are messing with!

The PHC is very boring. It's not located in a poor neighbourhood so there aren't many patients. We deal with some doctors crap, walk around looking for something to do, fail, then talk about the Porsche parked outside the PHC, wondering which doc might possibly owns it, we leave, get mixed like a cocktail again, get a major headache, arrive at the university, miss breakfast/lunch or settle for whatever, attend VERY boring lectures till 4:00 p.m., go home. Or sometimes they don't even finish on time and you must fucking stay.

When I finally arrive home, sometimes I'm too tired to even sleep. Like today, that's why I'm writing this. xD

Then I must study. Cuz guess what? On Saturday I have an OSCE exam. Yeah, we only just started. I know! After that you sleep a restless sleep and repeat the cycle all over again. Fun day? So yeah fuck you KAU!

On another note today was a bit different. Still frustrating but different morning cocktail mixing. We went to the Arabian Centre for Natural Treatment. It's owned by doctor and engineer Yahya Koshk, a very interesting person.

At the centre they have a lot of kewl, since fictiony sounding stuff. It's just I wished they demonstrated those therapies they were talking about so we can see for ourselves. If you want to know what I'm talking about Google alternative and complementary medicine :P

Tell me about your day. Hope it's better than mine. :)

And girls don't forget to feel your boobies.

4th Year - Final Day

I had 4 finals today. Ophthalmology finale written and OSCE. ENT finale written and OSCE. I didn't REALLY study. I was busy last night. First with being excited about Portugal's match vs Spain. Then was busy being absolutely mad and depressed cuz poor old Portugal lost. And it wasn't a fair loss. Ronaldo so deserved at least a free kick and if so it was an absolute goal but the fucking referee denied it. Whatever, it is over right? Anyway, so after the match I couldn't possibly study. I discussed the thing with my friends on facebook then I went to bed. Woke up in the morning. Had some coffee, which I don't usually do. Started studying and did some or a lot of twittering. Went to the hospital. Took the ophthalmology written then at the OSCE, I wrote the answers at the questions sheet, although the doc specifically told us to write it in the ANSWERS SHEET. Thank God Dr.Bawzeer noticed and unfortunately wasn't very happy with my stupidity. So he got really mad, stood right next to me and pretended to scream at the whole auditorium but me and everyone around me knew he was actually screaming at me. At the moment I was so embarrassed, I wanted al ar9' tnsh8 o tbl3ny. Then a few minutes after, he came back to make sure I wrote them in the right place. Again whatever! Though some girls really LIKE this doc and I was told by one of them "You should be honoured he noticed you and talked to you". Really? I hope next time it happens to you then. But really thank you doc for noticing. Woosh.

Then there was ENT. Dr.Sindi kept fucking screaming like a mad man for an unknown reason to me. The dude almost gave me a heart attack. Anyway, the ENT OSCE was SUPER SHIT! I only wish the person who corrects my paper doesn't kill himself. The written was meh. But it couldn't just be a meh. No, God forbid. My tummy remembered its famous exams ritual that it has to make noises. And guess what? Yes, the resident was standing a few steps behind me. Fuck. I kept praying he doesn't hear my tummy and wished oh how I wished that I had breakfast before I came. It wasn't that loud so hopefully he didn't hear or that I never see him or doc Bawzeer ever again.

Then I rewarded my self with a Farppuccino and a cookie from Starbucks. What a wonderful day to end such a wonderful year. Please fifth year, do not be as wonderful or even more. My heart could only handle much wonderfullity.

God, I still can't believe this year has actually ended al 7mdullah. And it's been a full school year since I wrote this post: 4th Year-Day One.

By the way what do you think should I do something productive this summer or should I just lounge around? I'm so confused. Again whatever. Wish you all a great summer XoXO.

Note to KAU: 4 finals before an important match and then nothing at the days where no matches what so ever are held? FUCK YOU!

Dear Old Medical School

So I'm sure at some point you have heard a medical student rant about the noble awesome reasons that lead them to take this umm bitter-sweet path? At my first year I was asked about my reasons and I honestly can't remember what did I answer. All that I know that I never wanted to be superman and save the world. The typical stupid answer of helping people used to piss the fuck out of me. I still remember this one girl that said she's in for the money. I salute her and admire her for being honest. Cuz I'm sure a lot of the so-called guardian angels are in it for the same reason. Oh well I know your dying to know my true reasons or maybe it's us medical students who can't shut up and are dying to tell the world why are we saving them :P

1. At middle school, I said I'll be a neurosurgeon and I can't back down now, can I? But scratch the neurosurgeon part. My other nick name is butter fingers. :/
2. I took the what-is-the-best-job-for-you-exam (I just made up the name but you get the drift?). Anywho my consular looked right at me and told me to be a doctor and nothing but a doctor and to give her a ring once I am. And maybe if I want to be a magazine editor or a writer on the side I can do that too. But NEVER be a farmer or a musician. Here goes all the convincing to get a guitar down the drains. I just had an epiphany. Maybe my low environmental-work score is what is making me wishing to marry a florist or a gardener. To compensate. By the way I think Jeff Leatham is a dream guy.
3. I wanted to see my uncle in action. Now that I have, I kinda of hate him xD
4. My mom said it's the only job that will suit my big ego hehe.
5. I want to be able to help in a war. WTF? I know. And No, that is not saving the world :P

Can't be more true. Though I still want my Nobel prize -inshallah.

Yes, dear old medical school has crushed all our poor poor dreams. We don't want to save the fucking world. We want to be saved from this never-ending-crap. I'm so fucking depressed. I know it's not only school but it's sure damn as hell not giving me the chance to breath and solve my issues. Oh and the fact that I can't remember what I have studied for so long fucking hours after the exam is KILLING ME! What if I'm not a good doctor? Oh no worries I have two plans:

1. A book should be near me at all times and never answer a patient's question before reviewing the answer first.
2. Go to France. Attend a cooking course. Open my sweet little bakery *heart*. I'm so tempted to drop out and go for it now. Nahh I'm kidding. Or am I? You know the awesome Jay Sean? I LOVE his music. Baby are you down down down. But you know what made me love him even more? He was a fucking MEDICAL STUDENT then he dropped out to be a mega super star. Smart guy eh?

You know what also sucks about being in medical school? You feel so fucking dumb! You used to be the smart ass and then puff you enter medical school. Your smart-assness grow even bigger, cuz you think your such a hot shot entering and what so ever. But then bom bom paw you realize that smarter people entered with you and even more smarter people are teaching you and will do EVERYTHING to show you what a dumb-stupid-low-life you really are. No, Smart CoOkie does not stand for real smartness. I'll explain it in another post. And actually when people call me smart, I almost always take it as an insult.

Which then brings the subject of how medical students are -for a reason that is beyond me- so smug with themselves. Seriously guys and girls you are NOT REAL DOCTORS!

Oops did I just say too much? Oh well. I'll leave you with a little something from The Placebo Chronicles.

STAGES of the PHYSICIAN

I want to help people.
I want to make it through this hell.
I want to make it through this hell without killing someone.
I may have killed someone.
I want someone to help me.

I want to make money.
I want to spend money.
I want to save money.
Where the hell is my money?
I need to make money.

I don’t know anything.
There is too much to know.
I will never know all of this.
I don’t need to know all of this.
I only need to know a little.
I don’t care if I know anything.

I want to be needed.
I love my white jacket.
I love the power of the pager.
I hate this f*cking pager.
I don’t want to wear a stupid jacket.
I want to be left alone.

This patient has some interesting problems.
This patient has some real disease.
This patient needs to be hugged and loved.
This patient has a lot of nothing.
This patient has Sh*tty Life Syndrome.
This patient needs to leave; I need to be hugged and loved.

P.S: I honestly LOVE being in medical school, I'm so grateful and I can't imagine my life any other way.*heart*

Random

Hello, I passed my stupid radiology final yaaaaaay. Well, normally I wouldn't be happy for just passing. But you don't know. This course is:

1. Only 3 weeks.
2. No text book.
3. The doctors were m3 nfshom.
4. Stupid.
5. Very hard.
6. Only one day to study for the final.
7. There was no midterm. The whole 100 marks went on the final.
8. The final was only MCQs BUT every one MCQ is graded with 2 marks.

Do the math. That is why I'm so happy al 7mdullah. Don't worry reality will kick me later and the nerd in me will wake up.

BTW I finished A Thousand Splendid Suns, but I'm not in the mood for a review. So I'll just say this: I HATE MEN! I hate Taliban! I cried a river. Seriously this book is so depressing and I'm already beyond depressed. I didn't need this too. Do not read it except if your living in LALA land and want to come back to reality.

So what should I read next? Any recommendations?

Umm

Think what you may but this is Casper the friendly ghost NOT an X-ray image!

Radiology final tomorrow and I'm screwed. Pray for me!

Frustrated!

I'm kinda pissed (tell us something new), but at 1st I didn't want to write about it, cuz I didn't want to hurt some peoples feelings. Since some of whom I know personally read my blog without even telling me. BTW I hate that.
But now I changed my mind. After all this is my outlet, bitching site and elly 3la raso b67ah y7sis 3liha.

person 1:

1. The fact that I recently became feisty and loud ,doesn't mean I'm a bad person. No body thought that and you didn't have to bring it up in the 1st place and not in a way like your defending me in the 2nd. While in reality every sane person can see that you were trashing me.
2. When I told my mom how bad I feel cuz I became so loud and how your complaining, she told me "but your not loud and angry at home". Then I came to think about it and its true, I'm not a loud person and definitely not an angry one. My old friends used to get really surprised when I raise my voice and get mad. True when I'm really mad, all hell's doors are open, but that's rare.
3. Hmm it sounds to me like YOU bring the worst in me.
4. I still like you my friend XOXO.

person 2:

1. I think your full of hot air.
2. You act like OMG your so yaaaay but you look nothing like it.
3. lets just stay nice class mates, don't push yourself on us.

Umm those are the 2 annoying me today. Maybe on Saturday some more will appear. Hope not.

Bipolar?

No, I don't think I am bipolar. It's just lately, I have been acting like it. WTF is wrong with me? Why am I so emotional all out of a sudden? I get worked up & angry over the simplest things. I can't contain myself and ignore bull shit like a normal person. I raise my voice & scream like all the fucking time. I need therapy. I just want to know why am I doing this? It's not like I'm still PMSing.
I'm thinking, no scratch that, I know that it's partially cuz of the people around me. Every one is acting insane lately and it's driving me insane. I just need some space, but I don't wanna lose anyone. I hope they understand. I don't think they do. =[
Still that does not give me the excuse to explode on them like I did today. I'm truly sorry and I feel bad about it.

On another subject. Today I got published in the Words to Inspire Newsletter, the smile issue. LOL the irony.

I ain't very much happy about it. They changed some cuz I used some strong words. But they should really be thankful I didn't curse LOL. And there is this one sentence that is just wrong and it doesn't make any sense and I didn't write it that way. That pissed me off! Whatever. I just hope it is not taken against me. Cuz I am not that lame.

The piece is a modified version of a previous post of mine: You Do Count!

My friends liked & joked about the part where it says: Dreams don't come true just by working hard.

I think I gave them an excuse to slack and be lazy. Like they need any :P

Bad Friends

I have a fucking case presentation this Saturday. There are no good cases at that pathetic excuse for a hospital. All very complicated & old people who don't wanna fucking look at you, let alone talk to you. I have to go in the weekend. And I'm fucking sick, I'll probably infect the patient with more shit. On top of that my friends won't go with me. Why?
A) I already made plans
B) I want to study < yeah right
C) my mom don't want me to go on the weekend cuz it might rain & the hospital will drown again & no one will know I'm there & I'll die.

Al7mdullah it's not graded.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from Aljawal

No Eid For Jeddah

That rain ended up in a disaster. I guess it was more of a punishment than a blessing. People, cars, houses, for God sakes HOSPITALS DROWNED. The situation is so screwed up. And they expect 4 more days of rain & floods. People are asked by the civil defense, not to leave their houses.

KAUH hospital. My hospital. Drowned. The basement floor drowned. No electricity. No nothing. People are dying. I have heard that its been evacuated.

National Guard Hospital, announced code black.

I seriously can't focus my thoughts. If you want to read some more, here & here.

Allah yr7m all the people who have died in this tragedy. My heart goes to their families & to the people in Makkah.

I believe it was a punishment from Allah to some & to show us how really screwed up things are. I hope we wake up before further damage happens & for the people who are responsible to be held accountable.

يا رب ألطف بنا و اعفو عنا أنت أرحم الراحمين

Housy HOusy, I Love U Housy

Just saw House MD season 6 premiere and OMG it's AMAZING! Kicks GG's ass. It's so heart warming. I almost cried LOL! Oh better run to Facebook and ruin it for my friends. =P



Before I watched it, I was so sad & depressed. You know when everything is crashing around you and you just try to hold on. But then, this one little thing pisses you off & you can't freaking take it anymore. That's how I feel right now. And the cherry on top of my cake was Mr.Bibi. My blackberry won't connect with the internet and I don't know why? Me so sad! =[

Another thing is, I was happy that school is coming up, but I'm not any more. I don't wanna go. I'm so used to costing & doing nothing. And I don't want to meet people. =[

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone provided by mobily

BLUE

Hey, its been a long time since I wrote something here. Don’t worry u haven’t missed much :p
Any way I was feeling really shitty the past couple of days. u see my driver went home and I made so many plans for this summer and yeah now I cant do none of them.. life sux for a girl in Saudi without a car T_T. Oh and another fucking thing is I'm not traveling, wooha life is only getting better LOL. And u know what I did to make myself feel better I went n watched "Doubt". Ummm I don’t know it made me feel worse, confused and really fuckin annoyed. U know y? its cuz u don’t really know :S n I hate that, I MUST KNOW :@. So I spent another day in a black, blue mood thanks to my amazing timing to watch that movie" yaay me" .
Today thank god I came back to my senses and decided to watch a more cheerful movie so I watched "Yes Man" ( it was the only movie I have that wasn’t depressing). Any way I REALLY LIKED the movie. I know lots of ppl r saying its lame and Jim Carrey is repeating himself and is becoming boring. But I think NOT :P.
I want to be a yes girl so bad but life is against me and I CANT!! I HATE LIFE !! I have lost the well to live. Please if I was ever in ventilator just unplug me. I'm not saying that cuz I'm now depressed, I've thought about it before lots of times and I made my mind. I'm blabbing nonsense now bs I don’t care u don’t have to read if u don’t want to.
Another thing, yesterday I was checking some other blogs and I found one that I really love. I kept reading and reading. This lady is so open and honest and she speaks her mind, talk about every single intimate detail of her life and I find it so amazing and refreshing cuz I'm so bottled up I cant even do that with my closest friends or family. Mom says I'm gonna get sick cuz of that but who cares boho. I'm blabbering again.
Any way I've decided to do the thing in my mind even though everything is against me right now. cuz I'm a yes girl now *wink wink* LOL. Wish me luck o inshallah I really do it mo bs klam XD.
OOh now I remember another reason for me being blue, its that I removed my braces after 16 months and the result wasn’t like I wanted T_T and my brother made me miss the appointment that I had with my doc before he leaves on vacation to scream at him and maybe if things didn’t go my way murder him so I'm stuck was my teeth for another month errrrrrr. Oh and another thing my teeth was tiny winy thingy out of place before the braces. But I still did it cuz I fucking wanted a perfect teeth n my fucking friend said yes do it, u need it. After the 16 months only a tiny changed which leaves the winy which means it isn't fucking perfect. Oh n guess what when I told that fucking friend she told me quit being a brat your teeth didn’t need braces in the first place :@
FUCK HER , FUCK MY DOC :@

Good bye XOXO << y5ty 3lia so cute :p